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Marc Mason is a freelance writer based in Tempe, AZ.

Friday, November 14, 2003  
How To Drive Someone Insane In 3 Easy Steps

1. Take away their entertainment for three days. This week my satellite went on the fritz and I lost most of my favorite channels for the better part of three days. Live with a woman who has children who think TV is God, and you start to see the problem. I enjoyed having the time to read, personally.

2. Attempt to fix the satellite yourself by trying to use a combination of the recycling bin and a chair to get on the roof. So I don't own a ladder...big deal! It was perfectly safe as far as I was concerned.

Women. Hmph.

3. Dream cheat on her. Have her dream that she walks in on you nailing some other woman in the guest bedroom. Have her dream this repeatedly through the night. Take this as seriously as possible, because she's actually nauseous and hurt by how it made her feel, and laughing would be really fucking wrong.

So if you see Rebecca anytime soon, and you wonder why her right eye is red and twitching, now you know. And I didn't have to lift a finger to cause it.


11:14 PM

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