I'm waking up to it every day. I roll over, rub the crap from my eyes, brush my teeth, and there in the mirror it stares at me. A great gaping maw of "what next?" eyes me with bemusement and waits for me to decide what to do.
As the new year dawned yesterday, I was feeling like I should have been ready and primed for deep and serious action, but instead I found myself buried in the past, watching a marathon of I LOVE THE 80S on VH1 for around ten hours. It was pathetic. On the day of renewal, I was rotting away on my sofa, shutting off my brain. What a waste I was. I avoided the future like it had an STD.
I think the events of the last couple of months have left me in a bit of a fugue, to be realistic. Blown assignments, spaced out priorities...I've been functionally useless. It's amazing that I've managed to bathe myself. Tuesday I forgot to brush my hair, and I managed to leave my house looking like that. Horrifying. If I were a horse, someone would have put a bullet in my head.
But there is no escape, you know? The future is there, awaiting me, planning for me, knowing that I have no other course but forward in the long term. So I'll do my careful best to plot a decent path...and hope that can make all the difference.