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Marc Mason is a freelance writer based in Tempe, AZ.
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HAPPY NONSENSE: POP CULTURE CONFIDENTIAL
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Wednesday, December 31, 2008
TWO AND A HALF WEEKS DO NOT SAVE A YEAR
They just don’t. So I won’t be mourning the end of 2008. Instead, I’ll be trying to hit it in the ass with the door as it exits. That’s how much this year sucked.
Why did it suck? The reasons pile up. Death was a big one. First came the shock of Nikki’s accident and passing. 19 years old. A ridiculous freak occurrence. If I didn’t struggle enough with some of life’s insane complexities, this surely put me over the edge. I’d watch the news and wonder why an evil piece of shit like Dick Cheney was still sucking oxygen, and this wonderful girl that I had known since she was a small child was suddenly gone.
Justice?
No such fucking thing, thanks.
Then came the news about Dan. Dan Havens was one of the true good guys, and he was the first person to ever truly make my mother happy. And believe me, that’s no small chore- I was 32 years old before I ever saw the woman genuinely happy. That’s saying something. They were supposed to continue to grow old together, but instead, a third bout of cancer, this one with no cure, cut their story short.
Justice? Fairness? They left the building a long time ago.
My worklife became busy and fulfilling. By contrast, my personal life joined justice and fairness on a lengthy vacation. I have no personal life, honestly. I get out every once in a while, but I don’t move forward. It’s “tread, tread, tread the same old water” and sometimes I start to wonder if maybe I should just stop fighting and drown.
Even then, work suddenly took a jolt at the end of the year when the library announced that it would be laying people off. Will I be one of them? I don’t know, but even if I survive the coming purge, the blow to morale and loss of people we all know will forever change the environment.
Motivation? Check, please.
Creatively? Until the last two and a half weeks, I was so creatively stagnant that it was horrifying. I sealed away my personal creativity and applied it solely to work and to the online magazine I run. I suppose it was a case of almost willful denial- I couldn’t produce shitty work if I wasn’t writing.
Of course, you can’t really produce good work that way, either. Don’t know quite how I missed that part.
Writerboy? He used to live here, but he left. No forwarding address, sorry.
Were there things that went right? Sure. I had some good times. There were some triumphs. But all things being equal… things aren’t very goddamned equal. And the scales were way the hell out of whack in 2008.
I’ve at least woken up creatively over the past couple of weeks, and yet during that time, I have alienated a friend, perhaps forever. It’s amazing to see when someone has a gift for self-sabotage like I do- you should gawk at it, like seeing a twelve-car pileup on the freeway. Watch the rolling heads, everyone!
So there you have it: 2008 can go fuck itself. 2009? Well, I suppose that’s partially up to me. Maybe I can avoid fucking this one up/
Optimism? Never heard of it.
Now where did I put my margarita?
10:59 PM
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