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Friday, March 26, 2004
Long Day Down
Early and long day. Up early so I could go to bank for Bec and then work 8-12 shift. Spring training baseball game with my friend Julie and my friend Orchid, whom I haven't seen in a year. Fantastic ballgame, and it was "hat day" to boot. My new Angels cap rocks.
Sidebar: we get to the game, and Julie looks down to see that she's essentially out of gas. Not good when you drive an SUV. So after the game, the traffic backup was so bad that we couldn't risk getting into it. We'd have expended the fumes before we ever got out of the lot. So we pulled under a tree to hang out and listened to music while staring at the hill in front of us. Much to our good fortune, the hill was populated by an ugly RV, and the users of the RV came back pretty quickly. Turns out, these guys (all in their 30s) were road tripping from San Diego and they invited us up for alcoholic beverages and to hang out. It was a great way to kill an hour, I'll tell ya that. Then we set forth to meet friends at our current favorite watering hole.
So I finally dragged myself in around 10pm from the bar. Tired. Worn out from the time away, and the time spent outside in the warm. I'm filthy, my hair is disgusting, and I am in desperate need of a shower. It was a pretty damned good day.
It's nice to know I can still have them, you know?
So after a very stressful week, I am ready to rest. I am doing all the right things for depression, particularly making sure to get out and have an active life. We'll see what today may have done for me in the long run.
Marc@MarcMason.com
9:32 PM
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Friday, March 19, 2004
Looking For A Handhold
You see various means of escape here and there. Wednesday, you go see one of your favorite bands in concert. The NCAA Tournament begins, and that's always an interesting diversion. There's more live music on tap for tonight. It's something to keep you busy as you try and find a grip on the side of the crater and start climbing out.
But there are always forces aligned against you, even when you are happy, and this week is no exception. Those poor people in Spain who died in an action that allowed terrorists to essentially rig an election. Work pressing down on you and stressing you out. Horrible, strange dreams that plague and haunt your nights. What good is it to sleep for ten hours if you wake up feeling physically destroyed? Not to mention the recurring nightmare that the most evil and corrupt administration running this country since Woodrow Wilson still has a chance to be re-elected. Fuck almighty.
When I get depressed, I experience an unusual "disconnect" that makes me feel like I am operating my life from just left of my body, shuddering and screaming helplessly as I watch the events around me taking place. I guess this probably stems from my ability to remain detached from a great deal of life's emotional chaos even when I am feeling well. But the shitty thing about depression for me is that there is no remote control... and I can't shut off the damned TV.
Marc@MarcMason.com
3:07 PM
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Friday, March 12, 2004
Crater
Been more tired than I should be. Realized that I have slid into a bit of a depression in the past week. Life is making me feel smaller and lesser, as though I am at the bottom of the crevasse looking up the sides for freedom and escape.
Sort of leaves me not in a place to be here right now. It happens, I guess. I'd rather not give less than my best, so I won't.
Marc@MarcMason.com
9:06 PM
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Friday, March 05, 2004
It's Late
Long day. Went to Tucson for some job training stuff. Rebecca went with me and we made a day of it, driving around a bit and going to El Charro for the U.S.' best Mexican food. Came home, and we had a bit of a wine tasting, popping the cork on two different reds. I even let her win at Scrabble. So I now have a buzz and am really tired. So I'm off to bed. Until next time...
Marc@MarcMason.com
9:46 PM
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